One cannot help but smile when in the presence of VICSEG playgroup facilitator, Dalia Mesallam.
Dalia’s playgroups in the Wyndham area are an extension of her unique personality, channelling a contagious zest for life and love for humanity. The groups are a time to party and celebrate. Anything’s an excuse to party, and if there’s no excuse, you can count on Dalia to find one! On arriving at Dalia’s playgroups, every child is greeted by name and treated to a signature squish. They’re all tickled pink to share another morning with ‘Da-La-La’, as they call her. Mothers, aunties, and grandparents are also in high spirits. It’s a common sight to see Dalia walking the floor with children clinging from both legs, such is their joy and happiness to be there!
But then, there’s the saying how a diamond is but a piece of coal that’s been under pressure for a real long time. Dalia’s had to overcome immense adversity to shine so bright.
In June 2009, Dalia touched down in Melbourne for the first time, migrating from Egypt as a bride with minimal English, no family or friends, and heavily pregnant with her first child. Two years later, Dalia, her then husband, and her two young children moved from Port Melbourne to Werribee where she has remained ever since. It was in Werribee that Dalia first stepped out to make a stronger connection to her new home.
“I didn’t have anyone, I don’t have any family here except for my husband and my two kids and his family – his mother and sister. And then I was working in the Werribee Fruit Market. I tried to work because I want to listen to the people talking English and learn how they speak. I want to understand them, I want to be with their life, you know. Because I want to accept it - ‘this is my life now. This is my country now’”.
It was at the markets where Dalia one day heard the familiar sounds of Egyptian Arabic. A new acquaintance encouraged Dalia to attend a regular gathering of Arabic-speaking women in nearby Tarneit. It was at these gatherings that Dalia first learned about VICSEG’s playgroups.
“I don’t know what a playgroup is. They said it’s a place where you come and your child can come, and your child can play. My English was no good. And I didn’t drive yet. I had two boys – three and a half and two and a half. I went to Werribee for first session for us”.
At this stage, there could be no telling how such a simple step would ultimately change the course of Dalia’s life. At the playgroup, Dalia met VICSEG’s community programs manager, Karen Diacono. Their connection would slowly flourish over time.
Dalia was encouraged to study with New Futures Training, where she gained a Certificate III and a Diploma in Early Childhood Education and Care.
A bi-lingual member of staff provided support to Dalia to complete assessments in English, while other staff helped look after her new-born baby (number three), allowing time to focus on studies. Dalia's commitment paved the way to employment with VICSEG as a playgroup facilitator in Wyndham.
But at home, things were far from right. After an initial happy beginning to their life in Australia, Dalia’s husband soon began to change due to drug and alcohol abuse. That was the start of her Family Violence issues.
“Suddenly, we have a team party at the end of the year. Staff are talking about wages. I don’t know that. I’m not aware of that. And then Karen said, ‘you receive your payslips, right?’ And I said, ‘what’s a payslip?’”
At home, and isolated from the support of her own family in Egypt, Dalia’s life was tightly controlled in every aspect.
Karen Diacono recalls her own earlier interactions with Dalia’s husband.
“She [Dalia] wouldn’t even talk. Her husband would talk for her, on her behalf. I’d ask a question to Dalia, but he would answer for her. I’d say to him things like, ‘Are you enrolling in the course?’ ‘No, it’s for my wife,’ he’d say back. And then I’d turn to Dalia and ask her the question. And so bit by bit she gained confidence”.
This slow growth in confidence only compounded her husband’s jealousy.
“I don’t have anyone to talk to. I just went to Karen. In this time, I can’t speak. I can only cry. He tried to damage me”.
Karen started receiving communication from the husband herself.
“He knew all her passwords, he knew everything. He had complete control. And then I received emails from him belittling her, putting her down. Horrible, horrible stuff he was saying about her. But I knew it wasn’t true. So, the first thing I did was I backed her up and said, ‘Do you know that he’s doing this?’ Dalia said, ‘Do you want me to leave?’, and I said, ‘No! I’m telling you this so you can put a stop to it and change all your passwords’. He had access to everything. He was contacting all these random people to try and rubbish her – her as a person. It was awful. I got our IT at VICSEG to block him. I didn’t want to receive this. But I kept them for her so she would have them as evidence in court”.
Court proceedings were a painful and protracted affair for Dalia. Her husband frequently failed to appear at court mentions and hearings. Dalia, meanwhile, took time away from her cherished work to attend these hearings, only to have her day wasted. Through persistence and untold strength, Dalia persevered until it became clear to the magistrate the kinds of coercion she was subject to.
Finally, with control over her life and freedom from fear, Dalia commenced to soar.
Karen Diacono reflects on the growth she has been proud to observe.
“The beauty of this is how Dalia’s come such a full circle. It’s unbelievable. From this quiet woman who came here as a bride with little English, minimal confidence, and completely controlled by her husband. And now look at her. She’s an independent, confident woman who is supporting other women to flourish.”
With the passing of time since separating from her husband, Dalia is now able to support women going through similar circumstances to what she survived.
“I’m not shy I have had family violence in my life. I learned from that”.
VICSEG’s playgroup team regularly takes part in professional development around gender equity and family violence. Initially, Dalia would leave the room at times when subject matter was personally confronting. Now she openly shares her experiences for all to hear.
“I like to show others, ‘I am here!’ I’m still strong, you know”.
Karen Diacono says that women in the wider community are benefiting from Dalia’s courage to share the strength of her lived experience.
“When Dalia has women in her playgroups who are in similar circumstances, she’s very easy to build a rapport with. So, they feel confident with her, and comfortable with her, and she’s very attuned to people’s emotions. She’ll say to them, ‘Is there something I can help you with? Are you okay?’ And often they disclose to her their own experiences”.
From there, Dalia encourages women to access other supports available in the community. Dalia also champions the economic advancement and financial independence of women by encouraging them to take part in vocational education programs delivered by New Futures Training.
“‘If I can do it, you can do it!’ That’s what I say to women,” Dalia said.
“Dalia empowers others”, says Karen Diacono. “If I had to summarize her in a caption, that’s what it’d be. Dalia empowers other women to be their best. To achieve”.
At times, Dalia cites Karen Diacono as a personal saviour, an almost celestial being, a gift delivered to her via express post straight from the heavens with Allah’s postal address handwritten on the back of the envelope.
“You’re not giving yourself enough credit,” Karen replies to such charges.
“The thing I would love to emphasise about Dalia is that she’s a confident person. Given a little bit of support and shown a little bit of the kindness that’s in the world, she just flourishes. And that’s all she needed. Just that little bit of ‘you can do it’. She’s just such a success story. And she’s empowering other women to do exactly the same. It’s amazing. I’m just so proud to have Dalia as not only my work colleague, but as a friend”.
“You see! You see the love?”, Dalia says back.
